Four Ways to Fall Off a Tightrope

As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. Romans 7:17-18

The little baby who takes his first flailing step does it.  The biker who rides cross-country does it. The Wallenda who walks across Niagra falls does it. We start by making a decision. We take a long look at the distance between ourselves and our goal, be it the coffee table, the other side of the country or the end of that 3-inch tight wire on the other side of the expanse. 

Nick Wllaneda prepared all his life to walk across Niagra Falls in June, 2012. The 1,500 lb. wire was stretched, weather checked and re-checked. Off he went for a near 30 minute historic walk. But, what if he hadn’t made it, what if he had failed? There are certain issues that we all must face in order to avoid failure in walking our tight wire.

Four Ways to Fall Short of Your Goals:

1. Don’t stand firm with your decision.
Once we decide to go the distance, we’re in this for the long haul. It will require a great level of commitment to face adversities and challenges. Wallenda faced adversity from the television company (they required him to wear a tether harness which was uncomfortable and made him feel, well, tethered). He had to constantly deal with both the United States and Canada for permits.

In spiritual growth, one of the most important decisions we can make is to separate the behaviors we fight from the person we are in Christ. This is very important because as long as a person’s identity is defined by their failures and struggles, they are tied, tethered to it. The blame that people experience is because they have become their mistakes. “I’m a gambler. I’m an addict. My overeating problem, my depression, my anger.”

Make Christ your identity, live daily in your decision to follow Him!. 

2. Let your emotions rule your life.
Once you’ve taken your first steps out there, it requires great discipline to put one foot in front of the other. One step at a time is the winning mantra.

For friends and family members of those who struggle, it would do us well to learn what we will call “externalizing.” It helps keep emotions in check and helps the person who struggles as well. Let’s say a wife usually waits up in fear for her husband to come in drunk. This time she can do something different. She takes a bottle and sits it on the kitchen table. When her husband arrives, she explains to him (hopefully he is sober enough to understand her) that she hates this “thing.”

She externalizes the alcohol by explaining that “It” is destroying their home, their marriage and their finances. “It” is a “thing” and she hates “it.” But then she goes on to explain how much she loves him and desires the best for him. Just as God does, she is learning to separate the sin from the sinner. She is loving toward the sinner while explaining that she hates the sin. Her emotions are no longer in charge, she has objectified the struggle.

There are benefits in separating ourselves in our identity (interior self) from the evil we do, for example:
1. It helps us look at the situation objectively. We are not as emotionally connected to it. We are trying to make it an external “thing” rather than a part of us.

2. It helps us partner with others against the “thing.” This includes small group participants and family members who can partner with us against “it.”

3. We have now given “it” a name. We can now study and attack it.

To succeed, accept that struggles, even addiction is a thing you and your loved ones can be freed from! 

3. Forget the goal, focus on the surroundings.
The real struggle with getting to the other end of the wire is a question of focus. Focus on doubt and failure, then you will find yourself becoming fearful and pessimistic. Dr. Charles Kollar, in his excellent book “Solution-Focused Pastoral Counseling,” states:

Psychopathology implies that personal problems are associated with mental diseases; e.g., the counselee is obsessive compulsive, rather than the counselee is acting in an obsessive-compulsive fashion. The individual thus labeled may be unable to envision himself as having the ability to change.

Wallenda had water spraying in his face and strong winds within a swirling vortex all around him. He kept his eyes on the wire ahead and refused to look down, which would have brought sudden confusion and possible death. We too must focus on the solution to our problems. Solutions come in many sizes and shapes.

We are not the problem, so we can learn to live in the solution!

4. Go it all alone.
There was a detail to Nick Wallenda’s walk that was both interesting and confusing. He kept whispering under his breath the entire walk. While this was happening, his father was on the other end coaching him every step of the way. He encouraged, warned and cheered his son to the very end.

None of the reporters addressed this whispering. Listening carefully, you would hear, “Thank you God, Praise you Jesus. Thank you Father for this great privilege.” It seemed that Wallenda was not alone as he walked the wire. His father was with him, and as well, he had a keen awareness of the presence of God with him every step of the way! He was never alone in the journey.

We all have objectives to walk toward in life. How much better the road will be if we objectively stand by our decisions, focusing on the goal with a team of committed like-minded believers!  

This blog article was written by Dr. Paul Hardy, a champion for the cause of broken and addicted people. For the last 12 years, he and his wife Suzie have dedicated their lives to helping people break free from the bondages of addictions and compulsive behaviors. Together, they founded Recovery for Life, a non-profit that ministers to over 300 people a week in the Virginia Beach, Tidewater area. He is also the Director of the Life Counseling and Recovery Center of Eastern Virginia.  Visit their Recovery for Life website (formerly Recovery for the City) www.r4ci.com/