Helping a Child Who Struggles

There is no way of predicting how your child will turn out. Each child is he or she’s own person. It always amazes me that siblings, who share DNA, can have such distinctive personalities. That kind of difference can be exciting and interesting.

But, what if your child was born with physical or emotional concerns?

I struggled in school. I engaged in extra help classes and even had teacher’s aides sit with me at my desk to help me with the simple lessons other children seemed to easily understand.

That took a shot at my self-esteem. I was extremely disorganized and always had trouble paying attention. School frustrated me. I felt inadequate, incapable of being like the other children. While I had friends, I still felt isolated. The truth is I was not like them at all, and was not meant to be. Every child has a different learning style. Every person is unique, but that fact can weigh heavy on children.

When I was pregnant with my first child, I caught myself hoping she would not have the struggles and learning disabilities I did. I prayed throughout the entire pregnancy for God to intervene on her behalf. I can boldly share that my prayer was answered in her case. She does not have learning disabilities. In fact, my oldest daughter makes the honor roll without extra effort just like my older brother once did.

I write today with an open heart because my younger daughter is struggling a bit. I cannot tell you how it felt to hear that my little first grader had some issues this past school year. Sadly, they mirror my own past struggles, so much so that I feel like I’m overhearing a parent/teacher conference my parents would have attended.

Oh the guilt! This is the same child who spent the first month of her life in the NICU. This is the same child who is not just short genetically, but is now head to head with her brother who is two years younger than her. It seems like she is always a step behind. To me, she is perfect. She is the funniest, most imaginative and creative child. She has a voice so beautiful when she sings it can make me tear up. When she looks at me with her big green eyes and that dimpled smile, she melts my heart into a puddle.

From the day they unhooked her from those loud hospital machines and allowed me to bring her home, I have looked at her as the most miraculous child that God gave me. They prepared me to lose her and I told the doctors that my faith would not allow me to think that way. Her first step, her first laugh, it all has meant so much to me.

When I asked her about school after her teacher gave me the news that they think she has some learning issues, her response was, “I’m not as smart or good as the other kids.” My heart shattered. It was the worst feeling realizing that my little girl feels the same pain I did.

I knew this could happen. My parents told me to be prepared for my children to possibly have to face the same issues I faced.

I spent a week in a daze, questioning myself as parent, questioning God, and feeling like I failed her.

I sent my father a message telling him what was going on and how upset I was. He told me that he understood my worries. He went through the struggles with me those years ago. He then asked me if I felt that having a differently wired mind was truly a disadvantage.

I thought hard about this. I know that God intentionally created every person in a unique way. If I were not wired differently, I would not have the life God intended for me. So maybe I should look at her gifts and not her struggles.

I decided to enroll her in a few creative learning classes this summer. Surely focusing on her creativity and personal expression will give her a confidence boost. I also decided that I needed to teach her the way she learns at home, if the school cannot. Maybe with a little faith, just as when she struggled like an infant, my daughter can get ahead.

Do you have a child with disabilities? If so, how do you help them?