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Woman Discovers God’s Love After Dating a Serial Killer

Octavia says, “It made me feel like I was something, you know?  You're in a commercial, you know, you're in a magazine.”

Octavia Standley was modeling for some of the biggest fashion brands in the industry. But away from the runways, lights and cameras, she couldn’t believe she was the beautiful woman others said she was.

Octavia recalls, “I would look in the mirror and just literally like scrub the makeup off and like ‘You are ugly.  Like why are they calling you stunning? Why are they calling you beautiful?’”

That’s because Octavia carried a secret that was destroying her. From 3-5 years old, she was molested by three family members. Octavia learned to hide the truth, and the pain.

Octavia remembers, “Inside I was so broken. I felt very ugly.  I felt very insecure.  I felt not wanted.”

She felt God didn’t love her and blamed him for the abuse.

Octavia shares, "Why did I deserve this?  Is there something wrong with me?’ How can you love somebody who the only way people like her is if they touch her?’”

Octavia carried her childhood secrets and insecurities into her teen years and to college. There she started dating an older man. Then one night, she lost her virginity when he raped her. Octavia distanced herself from God even more.

Octavia says, “"If you cared, there's no way you would let me be touched like this. It was just like ‘You like to see me hurt.’  That's what I felt about God.”

By then, she had started modeling and she also began smoking weed, partying and became promiscuous.

Octavia shares, “If I wasn't giving myself, then I wouldn't be liked. I thought I needed touch to feel beautiful.  But yet, when I was touched I would hate it.”

Octavia quit school and continued living that lifestyle for another five years. During that time, she got pregnant and had a son. Then, she met a man, they married and had two children. They also went to church together. Octavia felt for the first time in her life things were going well.

Octavia says, “My relationship with God got better.  It wasn't perfect. It was just like, ‘Maybe he does hear me.’  You know?  ‘Maybe I'm not horrible.’”

But Octavia still struggled to trust God’s love for her. And when the marriage ended in divorce, she again blamed Him for the pain in her life.

Octavia remembers, “When I looked at my kids I was like ‘He loves me.’  But then the mirror would make me be like ‘He doesn't’ because now I wouldn't have gone through this divorce.’”

The stress of being a single mom and feeling like a failure led Octavia to become even more desperate.

Octavia shares, “It finally drove me to a place where I wanted to commit suicide.  And I tried, and I took all these pills and I drunk this alcohol and I just woke up with a headache. Because God didn’t want me to go anywhere. It wasn’t my time.”

Octavia realized she needed to take care of her children. She continued modeling and started working as an EMT. She also hoped to recapture the feeling she had when she was married. It was during this time, she started dating a man she called, “D.J.” even after he told her about his troubled past.

Octavia says, “He admitted to me that he had been in prison before, but it was a false charge.  I kinda pushed the foreboding away and the desire to just want to be with somebody, you know, came back.”

But soon, it became clear he was more interested in sex than marriage. Octavia gave in to his sexual advances out of fear of losing him. She also stopped going to church. A few months later, Octavia knew her life needed to change.

Octavia says, “You've got to stop. Like this is horrible. You know you're not supposed to be doing this."  

Two weeks later, she went to a Friday night church service.

Octavia remembers, “And I was telling God, ‘I'm sorry for all that I did. And it wasn’t just, ‘I’m sorry.’  Like I felt I needed to spill out everything.’ He never rejected me.  I rejected him, thinking that He rejected me. But this is the first time that I received His love and His forgiveness. So for me, that was my very first salvation moment. It was life changing to me because I didn’t feel unworthy no more. Like it was like a glimmer of hope now, like I have hope for my life.  I have hope for my future.  Like He's not distant.  He really is near.  And I walked away with that just knowing I was loved and the main thing, I knew I was forgiven.”

A couple days later, her boyfriend came over wanting sex. She said no.

Octavia shares, “And I said, ‘I’m so sorry.’ And he began to step back and all the while I’m praying, ‘God, just let him walk out. And I shut the door. I knew God had spared me from something.”

Over the next year, Octavia started healing from her past, and learning to trust God. Then one day, she realized just how much God had done for her. Through the news, Octavia found out that “D.J.”, her old boyfriend, had been arrested for raping one woman and murdering three others. One he killed not long after Octavia told him to leave. Jones pleaded guilty and was given a life sentence with no possibility of parole.

Octavia says, “And I just began to cry out to God and tell him ‘Thank you.’  I said, ‘Thank you, because that could have been me.’”

Octavia was finally able to trust God, and believe him when He calls her beautiful.

Octavia says, “I see a woman who has a destiny.  I see that I'm not my past. I'm not my multiple relationships.  I'm not the weed smoker.  I'm not the seductress, I'm not the manipulator, I'm not the liar. I am a woman of God who found out her God is real.”

Octavia went back to college and graduated. She married Dean and together they pastor Dominion Power Church International in Kansas City, Missouri. She’s written several books, including, “I Dated a Serial Killer,“ that helps other women heal from a painful past so they can live an abundant life in Jesus Christ too.

Octavia says, “If you give it to God and trust Him to take out everything that was meant to destroy you, He will put you back on a path to destiny, and you will be able to fulfill everything that God ordained for you to.”

Contact Octavia:

Octavia Standley Ministries
Dominion Power Church International
P.O. Box 9748
Kansas City, MO 64134

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