Dave Says: Co-Dependent Mother & Son Causing Problems

Dear Dave,

We filed bankruptcy a couple of years ago, and it looks like we may be slipping back into trouble again. A big part of this is the situation with our 20-year old son. My wife insists on helping him pay for a car and other things he financed against our wishes. She also wants us to give his girlfriend money every month to help support our two grandchildren. He’s spent some time in jail and has trouble keeping even a part-time job. The results are killing us. What can we do?

Victor

Dear Victor,

Your wife has a momma’s heart and that’s a good thing. I’m sure neither one of you wants to hurt your grandchildren.

But young men who get into trouble with the law and go against their parents’ wishes have no business expecting financial support from them. This 20-year old “man” is making some really dumb choices. He’s screwing up big-time, momma’s covering his tracks and this is no way for someone to learn personal responsibility.

It sounds, too, Victor, like you and your wife aren’t on the same page. I think the two of you – together – need to sit down with a good pastor or professional counselor and come to some kind of agreement on these issues. If you work your tails off supporting immature, irresponsible grown children, you’re going to be broke and stay broke for the rest of your lives.

Dave