Dave Says: Make Financial Decisions Together

Make decisions together

Dear Dave,

My husband doesn't like dealing with money. For years, I've handled everything from paying the bills to making the decisions, and he just does whatever I tell him. This makes things really hard for me, but he says financial issues cause him stress. Do you have any suggestions?

Carol Lee

Dear Carol Lee,

The plain truth is you need your husband to step up and be a man. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but it's unfair for you alone to carry the weight of all financial and household decisions. It would be unfair, too, if he were the one carrying it all. This isn't a gender issue.

My wife and I are involved in all the decisions in our home, and that's especially true when it comes to money. We do a budget, and we decide together where the money's going. It's not a situation where she's a little girl, and her daddy named Dave takes care of her and everything else. That's the kind of thing you've got going on now. You feel like his mom rather than his wife, and that's not what a healthy marriage is about.

You need to sit down with him and explain why this is so important to you and how it makes you feel. You're not asking him to be a number cruncher, but he has to grow up and become part of the team. You can play the role of CFO and write all the checks. But you and he together are the board of directors. You just need 15 to 20 minutes of his time each week, so you guys can discuss what's going on and how to handle things—together!

—Dave