I Need to Be by Myself

“A man who isolates Himself seeks his own desire.” Proverbs 18:1

My loving wife told me: “Honey, you are cutting yourself off from the Holy Spirit’s comfort and healing hands. Our friends at church miss you and want to hug you and share their love with you."

I thought, “Look at me, I should be by myself.”

Tears came to my eyes because I was different. But, my gentle, tender wife still looked at me through the eyes of love.

I had been home from the hospital for a few weeks after a two-month sequence that included: blood spitting pneumonia, a massive stroke and then extensive pulmonary embolisms in both lungs. Two of my attending physicians told me that I had been given: “a Divine reprieve to a death sentence, enjoy it”; “a miracle”.

I wasn’t doing much enjoying. I felt more like a damaged vegetable and looked like something you wouldn’t take home from the market.

My wife felt I was isolating myself too much as I felt better being alone and just passively watching T.V. Without knowing it, I was falling into one of the devil’s schemes, but my angel wouldn’t give up. She came to me and laid my head on her lap. Then, I felt Jesus’ warm presence as I had in the Valley of Death. I felt Him say: “It is alright my son, I cried too.” As my wife kissed my face, His love filled my broken heart with peace and gratitude.

The story behind this tender moment between my wife, myself and my Lord happened after she had watched me for several weeks after coming home from the hospital.

It is a surprisingly new experience when your heart, lungs, and hearing stop and you discover how quiet things really are without your heart and lung sounds anymore. I discovered a beauty, silence, and peace that I didn’t want to leave.

I’m glad my Shepherd brought me back from the Valley of Death where I went blank. He brought me back so that my dear wife and my children didn’t have to grieve yet. I feel another reason He brought me back is so I can tell His children what it is like to die. In death we are blank and can’t think, pray, quote verses, or move a muscle. We only feel the presence of our Shepherd and that’s enough.

I began to lose my blankness after a few days in the hospital. Miraculously, I’m back to my writing ministry, which is a miracle in itself, as after my stroke I couldn’t put two sentences together. I learned that death is nothing to fear as He has conquered death. “Oh, death where is your sting? O grave where is your victory? (1 Corinthians 15:55)

God’s injured children need different degrees of isolation as a part of recovering from trauma. Whether it be divorce, death, or disease — time to heal is necessary.

However, I learned that isolation that cuts a person off from our Lord’s healing hands is a scheme of the devil. Jesus told His sheep to “Come unto Me you who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28. We need the Holy Spirit’s healing love that flows through the touch and prayers of God’s children and the words found in the bread of life.

Bring your broken and lonely heart to Jesus and His children and allow them to touch you, as I did. You will find the love and confidence you have lost. Thankfully, pro-active Love imparts the cure to desiring “isolation” and “seeking our own desire.”

Copyright © 2018 Bob Segress, Ph.D., used with permission.