The Naked Truth About Sex

CBN.com People talk as if sex is as uncontrollable as the beating of your heart, breathing oxygen or going to the bathroom. They talk as though if they were deprived of sex, they would die.

Let’s take going to the bathroom for an example. Kids learn from an early age to control the urge to go to the bathroom. If you are reading this book, chances are everyone in your peer group, including yourself, no longer wears a diaper. By the time you entered kindergarten, you were expected to have mastery over your bladder and your bowels. And if you came to school and lost control of these functions, what happened to you? You were laughed at because all of your classmates—and some of the teachers, for that matter—thought that something was seriously wrong with you.

As necessary as it is to empty one’s bladder and bowels, we still have full expectations and confidence that five-year-olds can master them. I’ve yet to hear about diaper distribution programs at elementary schools for those who choose not to control themselves. If a child cannot or chooses not to control himself, what do we do? We send them home until they learn, or send them to a special school.

Going to the bathroom is a bodily function so necessary that if you don’t go, you can and will die. Toxins will back up into your system. Not going to the bathroom would be 100 percent fatal for all six billion people on this planet. You will die if you do not go to the bathroom. Yet we entrust five-year-olds to have mastery over this bodily function before they start kindergarten.

We have higher expectations for kindergarteners to master a function that has fatal consequences if not performed than we have for young adults with a function that is not fatal if not performed. I am not denying that the desire to have sex is not powerful—it is—but sex is a bodily function that is under your complete control. If you never had sex, nothing bad would happen to you. Nobody has ever died from not having sex. I have yet to read the obituary section of the newspaper where it says, “Johnny, 16, died of virginity.” Yet there are young people dying everyday because they bought into the lie that they can’t be expected to control their sexual urges.

Before my wedding I was asked to speak to the football team at my alma mater, the University of Southern California, on the topic of sexual abstinence. I was a cheerleader at my university, and I counted it a privilege to be invited to address my team (who happened to be national champions!) during a chapel service. I jumped in feet first on the topic of sex.

As I talked with the football players, I heard answers and comments that I hadn’t anticipated. They were far more mature and took the subject of abstinence a lot more seriously than I had expected. When I asked whether or not sex was uncontrollable, one young man responded, “There are few things that are uncontrollable to a disciplined man.” I wanted to bow down and kiss his feet and wipe his cleats with my hair—but I abstained. The entire team agreed that having sex is a matter of choice—sometimes a very hard one—a choice under your complete control.

Kobe Bryant, one of the NBA’s biggest stars, was once the darling of the American public. He was voted “Favorite Athlete” by Nickelodeon and had endorsements from all the highest Fortune 500 companies, brands like Nike, Coke and McDonalds. The endorsements brought in more than $12 million a year, on top of his $13 million-a-year contract with the Lakers.

All of this came to a screeching halt one season when a Colorado woman accused Kobe of rape. He adamantly denied any involvement. People wondered how it could be true. After all, he was married to a wife who made most models look like mud ducks, and she had just given birth to a baby girl. When the facts came out, he admitted having sex with the woman but claimed that it was consensual. The whole trial boiled down to he-said-she-said, and all we really know is that something sexual happened.

Though the charges of rape were dropped, Kobe’s sponsors weren’t willing to lose money. They quickly released him from his contracts for violation of the morality clause. He lost millions a year in endorsements. Over time, Kobe will probably regain the confidence of the companies that dropped his endorsement contracts, but he will never regain his reputation. Gee, I hope the sex was good.

I asked the No. 1 college football team in the nation if they thought Kobe was able to control himself and if they could control themselves if they were offered a huge sum of money.

“Gentlemen, would you zip it up and keep it zipped until marriage for the amount of money Kobe lost in endorsements?”

“Absolutely!” they responded with enthusiasm.

Everybody wants to be a comedian, so one player piped up that he’d join a monastery for that amount. Trying to top him, his friend swore that he’d line up to be castrated for that kind of cash.

“Would you lock it down for the amount of his athletic endorsement?” I asked.

“Yes!” everyone answered.

“How about just one million dollars to keep it on ‘Clank!’?”

Everyone agreed.

Our negotiations continued, and ended at a far lower number—which makes perfect sense, as they were poor college students. (When you’re a starving student, 75 cents to do laundry is ample change.) But I believe the point was made: Sex is completely controllable when given the right motivation.

What is your motivation? What motivates you to do the right thing, not just in the area of sex, but overall in life? Your motivation might be money. That’s an obvious choice, but The Naked Truth is that convictions based on money can’t be the ultimate motivator, because the highest bidder might demand that you sell out those convictions. Perhaps money isn’t your motivator—is it the respect of your peers? Approval of your friends? Whatever it is, you should know that anything apart from God will fail. If you are under His complete control, none of your actions are uncontrollable.

You can control your body, including the decision to have sex. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Notice that the Bible doesn’t say you can do “something” or “a few things” or even “most things.” You can do all things—and that includes waiting for His best and His time.

Want to read more? Check out The Naked Truth.

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From The Naked Truth © 2007 by Lakita Garth. Published by Regal Books, www.regalbooks.com. Used by permission. All rights reserved.