Affair Threatens to Ruin Couple's Marriage

Dawn and Jeremy’s marriage had gotten off to a great start. The couple loved their time together. Jeremy recalls, “We seemed to get along very well and you know I never saw any red flags.” Dawn agreed, “I didn’t feel like we had problems. It was good, it was good.”

But that started to change when, three years into their marriage, they had twin boys. Dawn said, “I believe our focus changed from being focused on each other, being focused on our marriage to being focused on our boys, on being parents. Our marriage was strained because of that. However, I don’t think either of us really saw that.”

In addition to taking care of the family, Dawn worked part-time at their church and was a singer on the worship team. Over the next few years she started feeling overwhelmed, and that she wasn’t being a good mom or wife. Dawn recalls, “I saw myself as never being good enough.  I never was confident in anything. I always felt like I had ‘mom-guilt’ I could do something better. And as a wife, I felt like I could do better. I felt like Jeremy deserved better. It was nothing that anyone was else was making me feel like, it was my own insecurities.”

Jeremy had his own struggles, and the couple started growing apart. He said, “I was focused on taking care of the boys and just really not putting the right focus on her, as much focus on her as like I should be.”  Feeling alone and unloved, Dawn was drawn to a co-worker’s affirmation and attention. She said, “He would tell me, ‘good job’ or ‘you did great today’ or things like that which kind of boosted my confidence and made me feel good. That was filling a void of not being good enough and hearing those things from him led us into a bad place.”

That “bad place” was an affair that lasted three months. And the only way to stay in it was to justify it. Dawn recalls, “I never thought ‘I’m going to leave Jeremy’, I never thought ‘I’m going to leave my children’. I would just kind of pretend that Jeremy wasn’t in the picture when I was with him. And vice-versa when I would come home I would close that box and pretend it wasn’t there and I would just be wife and I would just be mom. I just, in my head, justified it all and said, Jeremy will not find out and it’s all going to be ok.”

But it wasn’t, and she drifted further from her husband and God. Dawn recalls, “I closed God’s word. And I closed communication with the Lord. I did not feel like I could communicate with God in that point because in order for me to communicate with the Lord I felt like I would have to confess what was happening to Him and I just couldn’t do that.”

Eventually Dawn confided in her best friend, hoping she would see Dawn’s side. Instead the friend gave Dawn an ultimatum: end it or she would tell their pastor. Dawn said, “While I didn’t want to at that point, I knew that that was the right thing to do.” Dawn told the man it was over. Afterwards they both confessed to their pastor, who said they now needed to tell their spouses.

Dawn was in agony and recalls, “Jeremy was actually on a mission trip and so for about a week’s time I knew I was going to have to tell Jeremy. And it was the worse week of my life. It was sickening.” Jeremy said, “When she told me it was like, I couldn’t believe it. I was hurt, I didn’t know how to react other than just, I felt pain; a lot of pain.” Dawn remembers, “It wasn’t until I saw my husband completely broken, unable to physically get up, that I realized the depth of what I had done and it was at that point that I fell flat on my face and confessed to the Lord and was completely broken and surrendered everything to the Lord.”

While Dawn lost her job at the church - along with many friends – the couple were now on the way to rebuilding their marriage, healing their relationship, and learning to trust one another again. Jeremy recalls, “First step was just praying daily. We did have to go to counseling. But I believe that really the most important thing is forgiveness. I told her I forgive her, I had to forgive him. You know because I believe that’s what God wants us to do.” Dawn said, “I was in counseling and I spent hours everyday just studying God’s word and talking to the Lord, crying out to the Lord, journaling… I realized that the only thing I could do now is allow the Lord to come in and heal this.”

Today, the couple feels like they’re getting a fresh start! Dawn is once again actively involved in church, but now she ministers from a heart that truly knows forgiveness. Dawn believes, “It has given me today a new appreciation for who Jeremy is and a new love for who Jeremy is because I saw him walk out his faith.” Jeremy said, “I believe that our marriage is stronger today and is closer today than it was, or has ever been.  I trust her now more than anything.” Dawn concludes, “No matter what you are going through whether it is a marriage struggle, whether it is a job struggle, whatever bad choices, whatever it is that you’re going through the Lord can heal that, the Lord can redeem that, and the Lord will use it.”

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