Husband's Hidden Insecurities No Match for A True Love

“I felt like a washrag, you know, that he just wrung it and wrung it and wrung it until there is just nothing left. He had just really damaged everything to that point,” says Teresa about her husband Bill.

Bill and Teresa’s marriage began with dreams of a happy life together, and a warning from Bill’s mother. Teresa remembers, “His mother told me that he was an alcoholic but I thought well, he’s only twenty-two, I mean, how do you even know a twenty-two-year-old’s an alcoholic, you know. I just didn’t take it serious. I guess I didn’t really know what to expect with it.”

Bill grew up with a high sense of insecurity and a low self-esteem. As a teen he learned he could cover his insecurities with alcohol and sex. He says, “From a very early age, I felt not quite as good or as worthy as people around me. And I just – there was a disconnection.  If someone was willing to be intimate with me, with sex, then to me that was proving that I had a moment of someone accepting me and giving me a sense of value and worth.”

During their marriage, Bill would often get drunk and fixate on sexual fantasies with other women. “I felt there was nothing wrong to daydream about such things. I figured as long as I was not touching or was not following through with the act, then there was no harm.”

It wasn’t long before he turned his fantasies into reality and began having affairs.
Teresa says, “It had really been years of this cycle of me finding out that he had called different women, you know, when he had been drinking. I think my way of dealing with things was really not dealing with them. I just couldn’t handle it.”

They occasionally went to mass on Sundays but nothing seemed to help Bill remain sober and faithful for long. He says, “I promised to 12 step groups. I promised God a couple times that I would never drink again. I promised my wife. I promised my children. I promised everyone I knew, employers, and I broke that promise every time. I’d have short term being on the wagon if you will. Where I would try to pull my life together and prove that I could walk as a good man and as a good son and as a good husband. But it was short lived. And all the expectations and the past resentments would once again start falling upon me.”

After a long period of sobriety Bill confessed he’d had another drunken affair. “It broke her heart. It broke my wife’s heart. That the vows that I had made, to love you, through better or worse, sickness and health, I had shattered that. And, you know, when I met Teresa, it was the one person that I never wanted to hurt.”

Teresa says, “This has to be done, you know, this has to be over with. This marriage has to be done with. It had just been years of this cycle and I just thought this is crazy. I love him still, which was strange, but I hate him, you know. I hate him. I hate what he’s done to me, to our family. I didn’t want my sons to think it was okay to ever treat a woman like this and think it was okay to keep going this way. Because it’s not okay, there’s nothing about it that’s okay.”

Bill isolated himself and was filled with remorse. Then he says he had an encounter that changed him. “After about a week of contemplating suicide and daydreaming how to kill myself I cried out, with every ounce of strength I had in my body, my mind and my spirit: God, either kill me or fix me. I was done. I didn’t have any more manipulation for God. I had no more trying to compromise with God. And I finally made a request that He was waiting, I believe, all my life to hear me say: Do Your will with me, Lord and I asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart. And forgive me and to set me free and as soon as my words were done, there was a calm that started to come over me, and a peace. And I knew that I had just made a connection with a true living God and everything started changing from that moment.”

Teresa saw a change in Bill almost immediately and she decided to stay for the time being. They found a church and received counseling from the pastor and his wife. Teresa says, “They were just so loving with us. They just became family to us so quickly. And they mentored us. And instead of judging our situation they prayed for us. And they just taught us a whole other way of life. A whole other way of life. With Jesus.”   

Teresa also surrendered her life to Jesus and says she found a sense of security she’d never known before. She says, “He just let me know if I kept Him first, any man can forsake me, any person can forsake me because they’re human. But He never will. He never will forsake us. So when I really got that I just felt like he’s going to carry me through anything and I refused to live in fear.”

Bill says it was staying connected to God that made a lasting difference in their lives and marriage. “When I came to true forgiveness and mercy through Jesus Christ, everything about my future changed. I was no longer the same man. And He gave me hope. He gave me direction. He gave me love. And He took away the worthless feeling and started putting His word into my heart. And so I dove into His word.”

Today Bill and Teresa have a happy, healthy marriage. Bill says, “She is my best friend. She is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. And to me she gets prettier every day.”

Teresa says, “The Lord is really and truly the great Restorer of all things. He will restore what is broken. And we were very, very broken and He restored us. He just has made new creations in us. And it has given me so much hope and peace and joy like I’ve never thought I could ever experience.”

You can visit Bill's ministry website, 312 Transformation, here. 312 Transformation includes spiritual steps to overcome addictions and bondage.