Homosexual Son Finds Acceptance in an Unexpected Place

“I was asking why is this happening or did I do something. Was it my fault?” Joshua was ten when his parents divorced.  He was an only child and life had been almost perfect until then. “I had a really good relationship with my father and my mother growing up” Joshua recalls, “we did a lot of things together. We just had a good family. I was very happy they were very protective over me as a kid.”

After the divorce Joshua ended up living with his dad, and his attachment to him grew stronger. “I think my dad definitely gave me the attention that I needed as a kid growing up because he tried to pour into my life to make sure he supported me and was there for me in every way.” That changed when his dad married a woman who also had a son.  No longer the center of his dad’s affection, Joshua became rebellious, and found companionship elsewhere.

“During my middle school and high school years what led me to homosexuality was just the point of really just feeling rejected. Feeling that missing relationship with my father that I really wanted, that I really needed.” Joshua said,  “I just tried to mess around with guys to try to find love and fulfillment where I was broken and where I felt rejected and that just caused me to hang out with a lot of the wrong people.”  By high school he was smoking pot, and having numerous homosexual encounters.  “It was more just partying,” he calls,  “the drug lifestyle and living like a lifestyle of homosexuality to try to find love and fulfillment where I was broken and where I felt rejected.”

After high school Joshua went to a community college but dropped out after a year. Then his dad found out his son was a homosexual, and kicked him out of the house.
“And that in turn made my father like reject me. There was a lot of wounds and a lot of scars there and a lot of rejection. So I thought I could turn to other things to try to like erase that part of my life to try to find this love where I was broken and where I was rejected.” Joshua went to live with his mom who had remarried and become a Christian. Although he kept his sexuality hidden from her, she knew he needed God’s help.

His mom remembers, “He was doing the partying thing and just didn't know how much in depth was going on in his life. All I could do is pray for him and you know for the Lord to protect them and try to keep him out of those kind of things.” Seeking acceptance, Joshua moved to a bigger city so he could openly live a gay lifestyle. Joshua said, “There were times where I did feel that it was wrong and that I shouldn't be doing these things but I just continued to go down that pathway because it was it was giving me this fulfillment and this hunger for something where I felt broken.”  A path that over the next two years led Joshua to a life of unbridled promiscuity and an insatiable addiction to cocaine. “It was all I thought about; I would give my body like to people so that I could try to find money to be able to support my drug habit and I was trying to find like all this love and this temporary fulfillment and these things that meant nothing to me. I had nothing going for me. I gave up hope.”

But his mom never gave up asking God to help her son. She continued, “Praying for the Lord to keep saying protection on him and to lead him and guide him and to convict his heart. And I've even prayed for the Lord to make him uncomfortable if he had to so that he would give his life to Jesus.”

Then in 2009 Joshua learned that he was HIV positive. He said, “And I felt like this is the end of my life I don't know what this is I don't understand what HIV is but I know that like I've been marked with something that has changed the course of my life. I was just completely broken completely hopeless. I didn't know what to do.” Joshua reached out to his mom, telling her everything, and asking for help. Without hesitation, she welcomed him into her home. She said, “That's not anything a mother would want to hear but you know that's your child. And so no matter what you stick by your child and you support them and you love them.”

Joshua recalled, “It made me feel great to be accepted by my mother and to see that she was there even through this whole lifestyle of darkness and brokenness. Even though I felt dirty and I felt shameful that my mother said, hey I love you and I’m going to accept you where you’re at.” But there was one condition: that Joshua go to church with her. Again, he was welcomed with open arms. He said, “They were like, Hey we love you, like we support you, we’re here to pray for you in any way we can.”

Not long after, a message he heard at a revival made him finally realize he needed God’s love and forgiveness. Joshua recalls, “I just began to break and my heart every part of me just began to break open. And I was just weeping and weeping and I was like God I need you. I need you in my life more than ever right now at this moment.  I felt an overwhelming love of the Father, of Jesus that I had never felt in my life. I felt all the shame I felt all the guilt I felt everything that was connected to this lifestyle that I was living just be erased in a moment. I felt the love of the Father come in and say you're new You're made new you’re mine. And I just accepted Jesus I accepted him into my life and he shifted every part of my life from that moment.”

As Joshua focused on living for Christ, he overcame his addictions and homosexual desires. Today he is able to control his HIV with medication and live a normal life.  Joshua’s dad also gave his life to Christ, paving the way to forgiveness and reconciliation.  His mom said, “I believe in the power of prayer and you just keep fervently praying and he will answer your prayers if you’re faithful to him he will be faithful to you.”

Eventually Joshua went to Bible college and earned a degree in worship and music. He’s currently pursuing his master’s degree in practical theology.  “As a mother to see where God has brought Josh from or where God has brought him to is totally inspiring and amazing. Very amazing. And I just thank God for keeping this hand on him.” Joshua concludes, “The past doesn't define me anymore. And when you come to Christ you're a new creation in him and he wipes away everything and gives you a clean slate.

Don't give up hope. Don't give up faith. Even in brokenness and in darkness where you feel like you're completely lost and empty that Christ can meet you right where you're at. He can meet you in a moment in an instant that can change your life.”