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Pastor Remembers His Drug Dealing Days

Juan says, “Everywhere I went I destroyed homes, business owners lawyers, dentists and I thought I did it best.”

Juan, an ambitious drug dealer, grew up willing to do anything to feel accepted and prove himself.

“Parents got divorced when I was like 8 years old. So I really didn’t have a father figure per se. I was looking at outside and what was in movies and I thought that the toughest guy out there and the guy that had the most money and the most women, that that was really the picture of what a guy was like.”

Juan started hanging out with the older kids in his New Jersey neighborhood. They introduced him to drugs, and by 13, he was using and selling marijuana and cocaine.

Juan remembers, “I felt accepted by these guys. They taught me what they knew. They taught me their trade. So I’m thinking, ‘okay, if this is what I need to do, then I had to top everybody.’  And so that’s who I became.”

Years later, Juan moved to Texas to expand his territory and was introduced to meth. He started using it and then selling it - with one goal in mind.

“I wanted to make a lot of money. I was going to come here, I was going to do the big score and I was going to be one of the main distributers in New York City and New Jersey and all those other states.”

Juan began by targeting families in the suburbs. His strategy was to first befriend the fathers.

Juan says, “I knew they were drinkers and we'd drink and eventually, you know, ‘hey, you wanna get high?’ And get the guy high and once I got the guy high that was easy, cause now I’m invited into his home.”

Once Juan got both husband and wife hooked, he became their dealer and moved on to the next home.

“I felt I was proving myself to everybody finally. And it was this weird world – this prideful, weird world that made me feel like, ‘yeah, I was accomplishing something in life.’"  

As long as Juan stayed high, he didn’t have to think about what he was doing.

“I didn’t think that the things I were doing were bad. And if you don't think you're doing anything wrong, you just begin to chase after something that really will never satisfy you.  But you chase after it anyway.”

One day, Juan was out on a delivery when he heard a voice he didn’t recognize.  

“I'm hearing, ‘why are you killing, stealing and destroying the very lives I’m giving people?’ For the first time in my life I felt horrible.  I'm just weeping and crying; right? And then it’s like in a twinkling of an eye, everything stops I still went and made my deliveries.  But there was a thought every time I handed it to somebody, you know?  So I would hand it to a woman and I was thinking, ‘man, I'm ruining her life.’ I would hand it to a guy, ‘man, I'm ruining their life.’"

Juan had gone to church as a child and believed the voice was God’s, but didn’t know how to change. A short time later, he was arrested for meth possession and landed in jail - facing a 25-year sentence.

Juan says, “I've hit rock bottom. Nowhere else to go.  I'm done. I'm at a place now where I don’t have anybody.”

One night, encouraged by a cellmate, Juan prayed and read the Bible.

“Weeping, I got on my knees. I am repenting about everything. I’m literally going to the t and thinking about things that I have done in my life. And I was like ‘I'm sorry.’ God, I want you in my life.  I want this Jesus, you know?  I want this.”  

Juan surrendered his life to Christ and lost all desire for drugs.

“I didn't feel like I had to prove anything anymore. I felt like I was accepted, loved!  I just felt this love. Something happened. I was never the same again.”

Juan’s sentence was reduced to 4 years, and he spent his time in prison growing in his faith. Today he is married and has a family, and as a pastor, goes back to the very neighborhoods he dealt drugs and shares the gospel.

Juan says, “Jesus filled every void. When I didn’t have a father, he was my father. Whatever void it is that has you empty, you can fill that void with Jesus.  Jesus wants to give you life.”

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