Addiction Like Groundhog Day

“It felt like it was Groundhog Day. It just continued. You woke up if you slept, and it was the same thing over and over again, but you're still searching for 'Oh, you know, maybe this time it'll be different and more fun, or more of an event.' But it became, to me, it was just a very hollow life because I wasn't finding – I wasn't necessarily finding satisfaction in it anymore. I was doing it just because that's what I did.”

John Humphries says he had a normal childhood in the Midwest, but in high school he started experimenting with drugs to fit in.

“When I got into high school I started experimenting with alcohol, I believe first and I started smoking weed. I think...like every other kid you're trying to figure out who you are and my perception of myself was I liked myself better when I was using or maybe I had more self-confidence,” says John.

His family tried to intervene, but he dropped out of high school and left town. He started sleeping on friend’s couches and worked menial jobs, while his drug use increased.  

John thinks back, “A few times a week we'd have a bunch of people over, you know, snort some coke, drink some Crown Royal shots and just have a full-blown party. Wasn't sleeping very often and at this point I'm pretty sure that I had a dependency to it. If I didn't before, this was the season where that just kinda turned a lot uglier and I realized that I was agitated when I couldn't get it, and I was – it was all I could think about."

John continued to pursue new highs and found it in pharmaceuticals.

“I found out that I really liked Methadone and Fentanyl. So those were like my preferred drugs and I was starting to use those on a regular basis. If I wanted to clean the house, I'd snort an Adderall. If I wanted to relax and get some sleep. I would take a Klonopin or a Xanax."

He continued partying and had a baby with his girlfriend, which made him think about who he had become.

“There was a little ray of hope and light in a dark world for me when she was born," says John. “But I also remember holding her just thinking, like 'I am not a good enough person to raise a child.'"

They had another child together and John started using even more drugs to cope with parenting responsibilities. With his relationship in turmoil, John faced a tough decision.

“Things at home weren't getting any better and I knew that I had to go, but in order for me to go and try to get sober and find my freedom, I had to leave the place where my girls were at and it was the most heart-breaking moment of my life.” 

Feeling like there was no hope, his brother invited him to church and John started reading the Bible.

“I started to read in Matthew, and I got past all the begottens and all that stuff and I was reading about Jesus and I thought it was a cool story. 
But I realized when I was reading this book, I just felt peace and I thought maybe it was just because I was so focused on the book, but it was – it was a supernatural peace whenever I would get into it and read it.” 

John sought refuge with extended family and had friends texting him scripture when he found his faith.

“I started to hear testimonies. Actually I heard one on The 700 Club and this guy said that he was so tired of, I believe it was, a heroin addiction that he just threw his hands out and he cried out to Jesus and Jesus took his addiction away. And I thought it was the most ridiculous thing I had ever heard in my life. I was like, 'Well, you know, where do they find these people?' And I caught another testimony about somebody getting freed from addiction and I thought, 'Well, you know, maybe that happened but . . . they weren't as bad as me.'"

John continues, “But God was working on my heart at that time, so I was reading the Bible and I happened to have this thing on TV saying, you know, 'There is freedom when you call out to Christ.' I knew that I-I didn't know how to handle this hopeless feeling inside of me or this brokenness inside of me or the uncertainty of what was about to happen and I was like, 'You know what, Jesus Christ, uh I want to believe and, you know, I would love to believe this is real, but you know, I just don't. But I've tried everything else, and if you're real...' and I put my hands out and I was just like, 'If you're real, I need you now.'"

John says, "And BOOM I was face down on the carpet in the presence of Jesus Christ, at the feet of the cross. I just remember trying to tell him like, "You don't know how bad I am. You don't know the stuff that I've done.' And every time I would bring up a thought or anything like that I just felt him reaching to me and just grab that out, uh and, you know, like, 'This is mine now.' And I had never experienced a love like that and a peace like that and all of that uh anxiety and worry and brokenness and heartbreak was just healing right in front of me.” 

John says he stopped using all drugs and miraculously has had no withdrawals.

Smiling he says, “Never touched the Methadone again. I was off everything. I started going to church. Went to a Celebrate Recovery the Friday, you know, three or four days after that.”

Today John has reunited with his daughters and now ministers to drug addicts.

With gratitude he states, “I have custody of my daughters. I have a job where I actually help other people in recovery and trying to find-find sobriety. Jesus Christ is my Savior, He's my rock and it's not that I've been perfect and every time something comes up, I find myself running back to Him. He is a good Father. He uh shows us our identity and-and He still is doing miracles in this world and uh there is not a more powerful force in this world than experiencing Him. He came down when I had nothing to offer Him. I've never had less in my life to offer anybody and He said, 'I'm going to take this one and I'm going to do something with this one.' And I was the one that He left the herd for and that's the kind of Father He is. He is love. He is perfect love.”