Improve Your Marriage in Five Days!

Often times, married couples long for more intimacy, including sexual intimacy. “Sex was created by God Almighty to be something wonderful between a husband and a wife – as a way of becoming one in every possible way and solidifying a lifetime commitment,” shares Dr. Leman. The secret to developing an intimate connection, great communication and sex with your spouse begins with understanding your spouse’s needs. Although men and women are of equal social value and are equally loved by God, Dr. Leman points out that they are both very different with very different needs. By learning about the needs of your spouse he says you can develop a deep intimacy as friends and lovers. Other factors that can stall a healthy sex life are unresolved conflict, hygiene, fatigue, a lack of affection and romance and a lack of caring words.

A man’s top three needs are to be wanted, needed, and respected. When he feels wanted, needed, and respected by his wife he will be more willing to clean up the kid’s vomit, fix whatever is broken in the house and make a late-night run to the grocery store.

  • Want Me – A husband needs to know his wife desires him. “If you make him feel like a king in the bedroom, there’s nothing that man won’t go after and accomplish,” reveals Dr. Leman. The best way to affair proof your marriage is to treat your husband as both important and attractive. When your husband wants to spend time with you make time for him. “The dust bunnies under your couch can wait,” says Dr. Leman.
  • Need Me – A man wants to be a hero to his wife, but sometimes he may not feel needed at home. Even if you are pretty self-sufficient wife take time to encourage your man. He may not do things like you do them, but he will get the job done. Remember men love to fix problems. Ask your husband to handle a problem, clarify the assistance you need, and a man is more than happy to step up to the plate.
  • Respect Me – A husband craves respect inside and outside the home and respect for his position as someone who can make good decisions. Affirm his masculinity by thanking him for working so hard to provide for the family or tell him how much you look forward to seeing him after work each day. These statements let your husband know how much he means to you. When you treat your husband with respect you’ll get respect back. Meeting your husband’s top three needs is important foreplay for him. “Ladies realize your husband craves your respect in his unique role in your home, and he desires to be sexually fulfilled. The words you use make a difference in your marriage, especially because you have a masterful flow of language and his words are few,” shares Dr. Leman.

In Dr. Leman’s home foreplay means cleaning the kitchen. He knows when he uses the toaster Sande wants him to put it away and wipe off the countertops. He has learned the importance of putting the toaster away because it is important to Sande and what is important to her needs is important to him too. The top three needs of a woman are affection, communication, and commitment.

  • Affection – A woman longs for her husband to think of her not only when he wants to be intimate in the bedroom but throughout the day at work or when he is at work. The husband who offers to put the kids to bed so his wife can take a long, relaxing bath or helps out with dinner and the dishes deposits affection in his wife’s love bank. He is saying to his wife, “I value you, I love you.”
  • Communication – A woman likes to talk and share her experiences. One of the top skills a husband needs to learn is the art of listening. By being an active listener and asking about your wife’s day you show her you care about what is important to her.
  • Commitment – Sending your wife a text during the middle of the day to see if she wants you to pick up anything on the way home shows you are committed to her and your family.

A few other ways you can show your wife you love her are by arranging a surprise dinner out, hiring some cleaning help, or maybe even making her dinner. By doing any of these things you will be meeting her top three needs. Dr. Leman shares how when his kids were young he could tell his wife needed a night out. So, he took her to a fancy restaurant and then a resort hotel. At first Sande was resistant to going into the hotel citing that she had no luggage. Finally, Dr. Leman coxed her out of the car and walked her up to the hotel room. To her surprise, Dr. Leman had sneaked in earlier that day and placed roses and two new books on the bed. He even ordered room service. Although he desired to be with the woman he loved, he did one of the manliest things he had ever done and told Sande he would be back the next day at one o’clock to pick her up. Dr. Leman says he sacrificed intimacy with his wife because he knew Sande needed time alone to regroup as a mom of three young children. “Men get behind your wife’s eyes and see how she views and experiences life. You make it your mission to know your bride and carry out the small things that make her feel loved, protected, and cared for,” shares Dr. Leman.

Mentioned in the Video

Guest Info


NY Times best-selling author, latest, Have A New Sex Life by Friday, (Thomas Nelson, 2016)

Written over 50 books


Appeared on Fox & Friends, The View, etc.

Founder/President, Couples of Promise

Served as contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America

Married: Sande, 45 years

5 children, 4 grandchildren.


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