God Erases the Guilt of Bad Decisions

Growing up, Beth Bayman had a life of privilege.  “I would say flat spoiled actually,” she said.  Beth was passionate about horse riding and wanted to pursue it as a career, but her parents told her it could only be a hobby. “They wanted me to grow up and go to college and be a career woman.  As an only child I was used to getting what I wanted and when I didn’t get what I wanted I went directly to the most drastic measure to get attention.” 

As a teen, she began to rebel against her parents by sneaking out, drinking, and cutting.  “I think that it was a scream for attention.  I was still very angry, very hurt that the career choice I wanted was not taken seriously by my parents.”  At 16, Beth continued to push the limits.  One night, she was arrested for drunken driving, that’s when her parents decided to send her off to boarding school.  

She graduated high school and started college, but she couldn’t balance the books and her new drug habit.  “There was a void to fill and I filled it with the excitement of partying and drugs and I started getting into LSD in college and lost my scholarship.”

She didn’tgive up the nightlife. She met a man in a bar, and fell in love, but she says he started to abuse her. Then Beth became pregnant.  She says he pulled a knife on her when he found out.  “Denied being the father to the child, held the knife to my stomach and said that he was going to gut me and the son that wasn’t his,” said Beth.

Fearful of her boyfriend, she chose to have an abortion.  “I remember at the clinic, the receptionist.  I was crying, filling out paperwork and she said, ‘Honey, It’s not going to hurt a bit.  We’ll take good care of you.’  And I looked at her and I said 'I’m not crying because it’s going to hurt. I’m crying because of what I’m doing.'  I never really forgave myself for that abortion,” Beth said.

She turned to Methamphetamine to fill the emptiness and was instantly addicted.  Despite the abuse, Beth married her boyfriend and gave birth to two children.

“I had already decided I was going to Hell for having an abortion.  I knew that I was, and I figured I would be sterile for the rest of my life.  So when I found out that I was pregnant I was absolutely overjoyed.”

She says after several years of abuse, she divorced her husband.   Later, she met Jason and quit using meth, but the couple started abusing prescription drugs.  Jason was drunk one night, when he jumped out of a moving car after an argument with Beth.

During his recovery Jason repented, gave up drugs, and surrendered to God.  “I picked up the Bible started reading it and He started changing my heart.  I would read a story out of the Bible and it would speak to me and I would immediately come to her,” Jason explained.

“He would read me all sorts of Bible stories and different scriptures, then before you knew it he turned on the Christian television, then I was getting into it.  I said, ‘Jason, do you think I’m going to Hell for that abortion?’ He said, ‘I don’t think I’m the one to answer that.  I think you need to write Jesus a letter.’ And I did,” said Beth.

With pen and paper Beth poured out her heart to God.  “I said to Jesus, 'I would like to ask for forgiveness for the abortion that I had.'  And I said, that 'I realize now, why you went to the cross. 'And I could feel my heart responding to the words that I had written.”

Beth realized the letter was more than words on a page. “I read out loud what I had written and that’s how I knew what Jesus had done.  I knew the meaning of the cross.  I knew the meaning of forgiveness.  If He could forgive me for killing my own little baby… That’s when it all became real,” she said.

Beth forgave her first husband.  She says the hole in her heart is now filled with true love. “I found in Jesus everything that I’d been searching for.  Chasing down drugs.  Chasing down a party.  Chasing down company.  Jesus has been my ‘ah-ha’ moment.  My,This is what I’ve been missing,” said Beth.

Today Beth is drug-free.  She’s Jason’s wife and a stay-at-home mother. She’s thankful for God’s forgiveness and a fresh start. Beth said 2 Corinthians 5:17 reflects her testimony the best.  “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.  Old things have passed away.  Behold all things are made new,” Beth read.