Out of This World

CBN.com - Tamara had been to church on and off for most of her young life.  After her parents were divorced when she was six, Tamara was overwhelmed with feelings of rejection, loneliness and despair.  She lived with her mother and when her father would call he would talk to her two sisters.  “I just didn’t understand why my father would talk to the others, but not want to talk to me,” Tamara says.

One day in September 1985, Tamara, then 15, took her mother’s 38-caliber gun.  She was crying out to God to forgive her and stepped into the shower.  Tamara knelt to her knees and placed the gun to her head.  After taking a long breath, she calmly asked Jesus to forgive her one last time. 

“A small still voice told me to remove the gun from my head and place it at my chest,” says Tamara.  This still small voice gently told her that it would be easier for her family to find her that way.  So she cautiously placed the gun on the left side of her heart and gently placed her finger on the trigger.

The gun ignited with a sudden discharge.  Instantly, Tamara felt the piercing burn of the bullet as it passed through her chest.  Blood began to fill her lungs.  She laid back in the shower until her eyesight slowly dimmed.  She breathed her last breath as death gripped her soul.

As she left her body, Tamara traveled faster than the speed of light and she felt as if she were falling.  Suddenly, an indescribable pain erupted on the inside of her.  “It was like someone took acid and poured it over the top of my head until it ran over every inch of my body,” says Tamara. 

Tamara says she entered ultimate darkness – a darkness so black where there was absolutely no light.  Her cry for forgiveness turned to a violent scream.  “I realized my soul had been transformed into a being of sin and death,” she says.  “I became everything the Father is not.”  Loneliness surrounded her as she looked across the fiery pit and saw hundreds of souls just like her – screaming in agony.  “Each one was a formless being begging for another chance,” says Tamara. 

Though they were right next to each other, they were not allowed to communicate with one another.  “We were together, yet we were in total isolation from one another,” she says.  Behind her was an indescribable creature with dragon-like heads upon his body.  “He stood more fierce than anything that the earth has ever seen,” she says.  “I was only allowed to see a glimpse of him and for that I am grateful.” 

THE GLORY OF HEAVEN

Tamara says that she saw the gulf that separates the heavens from the vast deep.  As she looked on the universe, she saw earth as if it were enlarged through a magnifying glass.  The gulf was “completely dark, a colorless void,” says Tamara.  She looked up and saw a huge massive hand that was brighter than any light she had ever seen. 

“It reached down, scooped me up and instantly whisked me away from all torment,” says Tamara. 

She started traveling over the expanse again and went to heaven.  “The glory there is too exquisite for words,” says Tamara.  Her pain and suffering were behind her and she felt complete and whole.  “The colors were so bright and refreshing….their very sight was rejuvenating and full of energy,” she says.  “There was an overwhelming sense of peace, joy and complete serenity.” 

It was then that she received the revelation that she belonged in God’s presence.
Tamara wanted to stay in the presence of God, but she was whisked over the universe and back into earth’s atmosphere.  Tamara saw herself enter the roof of her home and was placed gently back into her body.  “I could see and hear again,” says Tamara. 

She opened her eyes just in time to see the Lord go up and vanish as He passed through the ceiling. She laid in total shock of what she had just experienced.  A few moments before, Tamara felt hopeless.  Now, she had the desire to live.  At that moment Tamara knew she had a responsibility to tell everyone how real Hell is and how much God loves us.  Immediately, she accepted Jesus into her heart and became born again.

Tamara was told that the impact of a .38 revolver at such a close range should have exploded her heart or done more damage.  X-rays revealed that the bulled missed her heart by less than one-quarter of an inch. 

Tamara told her pastor about her experience and he suggested she write it down because the Lord would use it someday!  Her feelings of pain and rejection did not instantly go away when she came back to life, but she has discovered through scripture how to take authority over her feelings by claiming God’s promises over her life. 

After she went back to school, all the kids were too scared to mention her suicide attempt so no one said a word.  Tamara says she is still on her journey of transformation.