Simple Gift Changes Lesbian’s Lifestyle

Audra Austin hated being female. That feeling emerged when she was a little girl after she was molested by a woman in her family. “I saw femininity as a weakness. I was almost afraid of myself. If that feminine side was out there, that I would be hurt again,” she said. 

At age 11, her parents divorced and the war against her identity raged on. Audra says her stepfather’s abusive behavior reinforced her fears. “He would even take the Bible and he would tell me that, ‘Women are made from the rib of Adam, so you’re less than.’ I love my mom, but my mom is allowing this man to do these things. And if that’s what being female is, if being female means being with a guy that’s going to tell you that you’re subhuman because you’re a woman, I don’t want anything to do with it,” she said. 

Throughout her childhood, she used alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. By the time she was in high school, Audra had rejected all things feminine. “I became much more masculine looking and I wore everything men’s clothes, even right down to men’s underwear.”

At 19, she started dating an older woman. “The gay lifestyle for me was more about love and acceptance. There was a lot of embracing you as you are and how you came. However, there was a lot of misery.”

For the next 10 years, she looked for love in lesbian relationships, but none of them lasted. She was deeply depressed and attempted suicide several times.   Every day at work, a coworker would tell Audra about Jesus. “I was one of the mean people. You know, one time I even flipped him off when he was trying to talk to me about God and Jesus. He said, ‘You know, I’ve kind of told you all I can tell you. There’s a lady you need to talk to.’

He gave her the number to a woman from his church. 

“So he said, ‘You’ve got to talk to this lady. She’s a prophet.’ And I’m thinking, ‘OK, prophet – this is some person like, I don’t know –‘  My idea of prophet and the supernatural is like, ‘Oh, this is a fortune teller or something.’ So, I was intrigued. I drove there; pulled out my cigarette, stormed up to the door, and this little, petite lady opens the door to her home. (She is) very soft spoken, and invites me in. I remember she had a little glass horse on her coffee table and I was like, ‘Wow, that’s nice.’ And she goes, ‘You like it? You can have it.’ I was like, ‘Really?’”

The kind gesture caused Audra to let her guard down. Then the woman asked her a question she wasn’t expecting. “No one ever asked me, ‘Why do you think you’re like you are?’ And when she asked me that question, I could not answer. I remember sobbing and literally telling her, ‘I don’t know. I don't know.’ And that was the moment she opened a Bible.” 

The woman told Audra about new kind of relationship. “The state that I was living in; I was in a sinful state. I was separated from God. And that God loved me enough to pursue me. To me, love was a bad word because of all the things I had experienced. So this God that loved me gave me hope that I could be loved; that I could be worth loving.”

“I finally felt myself, inside, just finally surrender.  ‘Jesus, I made a mess of my life, please take it and do something with it.’ And that was the beginning of my journey.”

Audra became confident with her own unique, feminine style. She lost the desire for drugs and alcohol but she still struggled with same sex attraction. “I said, ‘But God, I don’t even think I could like men. They repulse me.’ And I remember I stopped and I just thought about it and I said, ‘You know what, God, I just want to know You.’ And I remember saying, ‘I choose You.’”

Over time, she noticed a change. “Four years after that, I clearly remember the day that this man walked past me with aftershave and I thought, ‘Hey, that smells good.’ I clearly remember that day where God did a work in me, where I was now physically attracted to the opposite sex,” said Audra.

She’s looking forward to starting a family with her husband Roy. They met through their church single’s ministry. “He’s my big teddy bear. I feel safe and secure when I’m around him. And he complements me.”

Audra finds fulfillment in being exactly who God created her to be.   

“There is hope. Jesus is the way out. If you want to come out of the gay lifestyle, Jesus is the way out. And I wanted out. And He was my way. And He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.”