The Allens: Secrets that Kill a Marriage

CBN.com When Amy Allen went snooping through her husband Tim’s computer files, what she found broke her heart.

"He had written pages of different prostitutes, their names, all their stats and how to get ahold of them," Amy tells The 700 Club. "He had written what he’d done with some of them. That was crushing.  I said, 'I’m out of here.  I can’t deal with this anymore.'”

Tim says, "What I came back to was an empty house with her wedding ring sitting on the mantle and it’s over."

Tim’s secret sex addiction had finally come to light, and his marriage to Amy was over. It all began innocently enough, during his childhood.

"Pornography had been in my life since I was about nine, probably even before that," Tim says. "Playboy. My grandfather had it, and I looked for it all the time when I was down there."

Tim’s addiction to porn only increased as got older. Unfortunately, after he married Amy, he began playing out his fantasies with other women.

"I met a young lady who knew I was married and didn’t care and that was what she wanted," Tim says. "That pornography stuff in magazines is not enough anymore.  That was actually something different and interesting.  I want more of that.”

At home, Amy knew something was wrong in their relationship, but couldn’t quite figure it out. She says, "It just didn’t feel like at times he wanted to be with me. I felt like his ball and chain."

As the Internet grew in popularity, Tim’s lust for outside sex grew out of control. He had developed on on-going relationship with the woman that he met on the Web. Amy found out when she found condoms in a bag they both shared.

"I confronted him and screamed at him, 'Why are you doing this to us?  What’s wrong with you?' I packed some bags and took it down to his office that day and put them in his truck," she says.

Tim says, "I’m about ready to throw away everything for an affair that I’ve had with this young woman who I don’t even really like, but it was sex. That still had its tentacles on me."

Eventually, Amy and Tim tried to salvage their marriage, and Tim moved back home. They started going to church, but Tim’s mind was elsewhere. He still craved sex.

"The rationalization in my mind starts with that’s what it was.  It was because I’d started to develop a relationship with another woman, not just a purely sexual one, but a relationship.You get on the internet and you see escorts and prostitutes, offering what I wanted for money.  No strings attached."

Tim cruised the city streets, massage parlors and the Internet to set up rendezvous’ with prostitutes. That’s when Amy found his files in their home office.

"Some of the stuff she was reading was horrible, but I had put it down," Tim says. "She had found it and packed everything up and left immediately with everything."

Amy moved back home with her mom. She started attending church, and accepted Christ as her Savior.

"God was helping me to see him through His eyes," Amy says. "That we’re all sinners."

Tim was at his lowest point. His marriage was over, and his life was at a crossroads. He started reading Christian books on sexual addiction.

"I was raised in the church, and what does this have to tell me about myself?  I knew there was probably something wrong, because one half of my life has just come crashing down on the foundation I thought I had."

Then, on their eighth wedding anniversary, Amy gave Tim a call. She recalls, "We’d both filed for divorced.  He’d filed in Maryland and I filed in San Diego, so there was nothing to lose. We were very, very open and honest with each other in our true feelings."

"She started talking to me about still loving me, which hurt," he says. "I didn’t want to hear that.  But at the same time it was impacting me. How can she still love me?  That was part of what I was asking myself at the time.  She also read some Scripture to me about, you know, sin is sin."

Tim couldn’t get Amy’s words out of his mind.  He finally cried out to God for help.
"I just kept reading this stuff: who He was and what He did. I broke down in the basement of the house in Maryland and said, 'If You are who You are, You have to help me.'”

Tim found a church and met with the pastor.

"Opened up to him about it and just felt and knew that I could trust him. He would be open, pray and support in any way he possibly could."

Even though they were on opposite sides of the country, Amy and Tim began to talk.  As they grew in their faith, they decided to meet. 

"I gave her her ring back, told her that I was sorry and the things I had done are unforgivable, but I’m following Jesus," Tim says.

Amy says, "I was afraid because I didn’t want it to happen again.  But God’s voice was stronger to me than anyone else’s.  My parents said, 'Don’t go back with him.'  His parents said, 'Don’t go back with him.' But I knew what God was telling me and I listened to His voice.  I’m glad I did."

Their love for each other has grown, and Tim and Amy now have two daughters.

"The growing that we’re doing and the intimacy that we are now sharing and where the Lord is continuing to bring us back is something I never understood," Tim says. "It is a wonderful thing."

Amy says, "It takes time. It takes forgiveness over and over, and it takes agape love, His kind of love for each other."

Tim agrees, "It’s something only He can do. We’re together because of Jesus." 

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