When Giving Hurts: Learning to Give With the Right Motivation

Have you ever had that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you cannot honor a financial commitment to God? We all want to be cheerful givers (see 2 Corinthians 9:7) and give until it hurts, but reality sometimes enters the picture like a giant Goliath, demanding attention. Yes, this was me after a major financial pledge to our church’s capital campaign. My buyer’s remorse inner turmoil was fueled by a perfect storm of uncovered health care costs for my wife’s breast cancer, my daughter’s lupus, another daughter’s wedding, ongoing monetary contributions in helping my disabled sister and elderly mother on fixed incomes, and most importantly—and the real elephant in the room—my spiritual pride for wanting to be a mover and shaker in our church. When we compete with the spiritual Joneses for a leading place of honor, we live by the sword of pride, and if circumstances change, we die by that sword of hubris. As it says in Proverbs 16:18 (NLT), Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.

How did I find myself in this predicament, and what did I learn from my sin and mistakes? It began with the rollout of our church’s capital campaign and a meeting of leaders explaining how important it was for us to set an example of biblical sacrificial giving for the rest of the congregation. The exhortations were biblically based, measured, and fair, including the foundational admonition to seek the Lord’s guidance through prayer, fasting, and Bible reading along with discussion with family, and the wisdom of Godly financial counselors. The pastors stressed that this “labor of love” ministry of giving was not an ironclad financial covenant, and we could adjust contributions based upon circumstances. I checked all those boxes, or so I thought. A few months later, after I proudly signed on the dotted line of my monetary commitment, a shadow of doubt started to pierce my peace as the financial strain from the issues I mentioned earlier started taking effect.

As the burdens became greater, I became more anguished and realized that I was in over my head, and unless the Lord turned my Titanic around, I was going to hit the iceberg. As the pressures mounted, the guilt, shame, and condemnation related to having to renege on my church commitment crushed me. As I cried out to the Lord for help, a small, still voice whispered, “Look under the hood as to why you pledged this amount in the first place.”

This prompting began a process of painful but necessary heart surgery as I realized that the pledged amount was not really from the Lord, but from my desire to be a spiritual big shot. It broke my veneer of holiness and enabled me to humble myself and gather the courage to change my financial commitment. As it says in 2 Corinthians 8:12, Whatever you give is acceptable if you give it eagerly. And give according to what you have, not what you don’t have. This was a valuable lesson that has helped me be a more cheerful and God-honoring giver.

Heavenly Father, I pray that we all will learn to hear your voice clearly and excel in the ministry of generous God-directed giving, according to our means. I pray that each reader will seek your will through prayer and fasting, receive wisdom from wise counselors, and test the spirits of our giving motivations to cast out all pride, recognizing that we all must live within boundaries and limits. To God be the glory!

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Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.