soultransformation 08/04/10
Casting Aside Your Shame
By Beth Livingston
The white Pontiac station wagon bumped many a curb and veered into neighboring lanes several times while I sat in the front seat with no seat belt on, staring at the large printed word, “Bonneville” on the tan dashboard in front of me. It was better to stare at the word than look up through the windshield at the perils and near-accidents that we managed to escape on the ride home with Mom. Screaming “Watch out!” was useless. She’d just tell me to shut up. This was an ordinary day in our lives. That’s what most of our rides were like with Mom at the wheel.
It was summer time, late 1960s/early 1970s. We pulled up in our U-shaped driveway where the neighborhood boys were playing basketball at our backboard and hoop. Mom parked close to the porch and we both got out and closed our doors. By the time I went around the back of the car to make my way to the house, she fell in the bushes and needed help to get up. One of the boys stopped playing and gave me a hand getting her back on her feet. She slurred some words of thanks for the help and navigated her way in the front door with me close-by in case of another need for assistance. She plopped herself down on the couch in front of the TV with a Coke and several packs of Salem cigarettes, an overflowing ashtray and a lighter. When she was certain she had the large leather handbag that carried numerous vials of narcotics within reach, I was free to go play.
Then I went outside and played basketball with the kids in my neighborhood. I don’t remember them ever saying anything bad about my Mom – no snickering or mocking – even though they witnessed many bizarre situations. We all just acted like nothing abnormal had happened. Many different versions of the same story happened in our home and in homes everywhere; but nobody talked about it. It was a different era. We learned to live in denial and carry deep-seated shame in our souls that no one wanted to hear about or talk about.
This may all sound way too familiar for some of you. Hopefully, you know by now that we carried around a bunch of shame and guilt from our childhood experiences that handicapped us emotionally for either a short season, a lifetime, or somewhere in between. Shame and guilt are poor companions to bring along in life. They lead to depression, drug and alcohol dependency, obsessive behaviors, damaging relationships – the list of negatives is long!
Unfortunately, we don’t just wake up one day and say, “I’m not affected by that anymore,” and jump into an upbeat, functional life. Counseling with a psychology professional, going to support groups, and having a relationship with Jesus Christ are many ways we get better. But, the main truth I want to share with you is that you CAN get better by seeking Almighty God’s truth about how special you are to Him. He wanted you and me to get better so much that He sent His one and only son, Jesus Christ, to build a bridge between us and Him. Christ died for our sins and to set us free from shame and despair. In Him, we find peace and joy and love.
Our heavenly father wants to hear us be honest with Him. He wants us to cry out to Him and tell Him of our fears and embarrassments. He wants to hear us admit that we don’t understand why He allowed innocent children to endure many horrible things. He wants us to know that there is a real enemy of our souls, the devil, who meant all these evil things for our destruction and to turn us away from God. These acts were not done by God. They are a result of people choosing to sin. God gave mankind free will and the choice to follow Him or follow their evil desires. As we learn to follow Jesus Christ, we learn to surrender our hurts, our wills, and our minds to the gentle and loving Holy Spirit who leads us out of dysfunction – usually, a step at a time.
You may have gotten so used to living in shame as a child, that you have done your fair share of shameful acts as an adult. Now you live a lifestyle of shame that keeps you in a vicious cycle of feeling like you’ll never be good enough, never measure up, etc. Guess what? None of us will ever be good enough. Jesus meets us right where we are and offers us His nail-scarred hand. When we take Him by the hand and learn His ways of love, He washes away our shame.
Father God, I pray that you will make yourself so real to all those who have dwelt in the shadows of shame. Please bring them out of the darkness and into the light. Expose the enemy for his schemes to keep them feeling ashamed. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ who gave his life as a ransom for all who would come to Him. May you be glorified by the ones who will choose to look deeper into the Bible for your truth about how much You love them.
In the book of John, Jesus often referred to Himself as the Good Shepherd and those who believed in him as His sheep. In the following example, He refers to Satan as the thief. John 10:10-11 says, “The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep.”
The white Pontiac station wagon bumped many a curb and veered into neighboring lanes several times while I sat in the front seat with no seat belt on, staring at the large printed word, “Bonneville” on the tan dashboard in front of me. It was better to stare at the word than look up through the windshield at the perils and near-accidents that we managed to escape on the ride home with Mom. Screaming “Watch out!” was useless. She’d just tell me to shut up. This was an ordinary day in our lives. That’s what most of our rides were like with Mom at the wheel.
It was summer time, late 1960s/early 1970s. We pulled up in our U-shaped driveway where the neighborhood boys were playing basketball at our backboard and hoop. Mom parked close to the porch and we both got out and closed our doors. By the time I went around the back of the car to make my way to the house, she fell in the bushes and needed help to get up. One of the boys stopped playing and gave me a hand getting her back on her feet. She slurred some words of thanks for the help and navigated her way in the front door with me close-by in case of another need for assistance. She plopped herself down on the couch in front of the TV with a Coke and several packs of Salem cigarettes, an overflowing ashtray and a lighter. When she was certain she had the large leather handbag that carried numerous vials of narcotics within reach, I was free to go play.
Then I went outside and played basketball with the kids in my neighborhood. I don’t remember them ever saying anything bad about my Mom – no snickering or mocking – even though they witnessed many bizarre situations. We all just acted like nothing abnormal had happened. Many different versions of the same story happened in our home and in homes everywhere; but nobody talked about it. It was a different era. We learned to live in denial and carry deep-seated shame in our souls that no one wanted to hear about or talk about.
This may all sound way too familiar for some of you. Hopefully, you know by now that we carried around a bunch of shame and guilt from our childhood experiences that handicapped us emotionally for either a short season, a lifetime, or somewhere in between. Shame and guilt are poor companions to bring along in life. They lead to depression, drug and alcohol dependency, obsessive behaviors, damaging relationships – the list of negatives is long!
Unfortunately, we don’t just wake up one day and say, “I’m not affected by that anymore,” and jump into an upbeat, functional life. Counseling with a psychology professional, going to support groups, and having a relationship with Jesus Christ are many ways we get better. But, the main truth I want to share with you is that you CAN get better by seeking Almighty God’s truth about how special you are to Him. He wanted you and me to get better so much that He sent His one and only son, Jesus Christ, to build a bridge between us and Him. Christ died for our sins and to set us free from shame and despair. In Him, we find peace and joy and love.
Our heavenly father wants to hear us be honest with Him. He wants us to cry out to Him and tell Him of our fears and embarrassments. He wants to hear us admit that we don’t understand why He allowed innocent children to endure many horrible things. He wants us to know that there is a real enemy of our souls, the devil, who meant all these evil things for our destruction and to turn us away from God. These acts were not done by God. They are a result of people choosing to sin. God gave mankind free will and the choice to follow Him or follow their evil desires. As we learn to follow Jesus Christ, we learn to surrender our hurts, our wills, and our minds to the gentle and loving Holy Spirit who leads us out of dysfunction – usually, a step at a time.
You may have gotten so used to living in shame as a child, that you have done your fair share of shameful acts as an adult. Now you live a lifestyle of shame that keeps you in a vicious cycle of feeling like you’ll never be good enough, never measure up, etc. Guess what? None of us will ever be good enough. Jesus meets us right where we are and offers us His nail-scarred hand. When we take Him by the hand and learn His ways of love, He washes away our shame.
Father God, I pray that you will make yourself so real to all those who have dwelt in the shadows of shame. Please bring them out of the darkness and into the light. Expose the enemy for his schemes to keep them feeling ashamed. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ who gave his life as a ransom for all who would come to Him. May you be glorified by the ones who will choose to look deeper into the Bible for your truth about how much You love them.
In the book of John, Jesus often referred to Himself as the Good Shepherd and those who believed in him as His sheep. In the following example, He refers to Satan as the thief. John 10:10-11 says, “The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices his life for the sheep.”