Dave Says: Cut the Apron Strings

Dear Dave,

I’ve been seriously dating this man for a long time and I love him very much, but his mother controls everything he does. He does everything she says, and even lets her control his finances. I don’t see any outlets for us to ever have much between us that is truly our own. Can you give me any advice?

-- Emily

Dear Emily,

Wow, that’s rough. It’s kind of wimpy for him to let this happen when he’s a grown man. But honestly, there’s not much you can do in a situation like this. He has to make the decision to take control of his life.

Studies show that couples who agree on issues like money, kids, religion, and in-laws have a great chance of making a strong, successful marriage that works. I hope you’re not considering walking down the aisle anytime soon because this guy is definitely not marriage material right now. This doesn’t mean that things can’t change, though, and he doesn’t have to ostracize his mom to do it. But he needs to cut the apron strings and understand that you want a relationship with him – not her.

If I were your dad, I’d be trying to protect my little girl and I’d tell you to give him an ultimatum – it’s either her or you. But you guys have been together for a while, and that warrants some serious sit-down, heart-to-heart time. Tell him about the situation as you see it, and how it makes you feel. You guys can work this out.

-- Dave