The Seven-Year Itch: Is it Real?

This week, Project Runway star Heidi Klum announced that she is separating from her husband of seven years, Seal. Heidi and her award-winning singer husband have four young children, one from Heidi’s previous relationship and three children from the Heidi and Seal union. I was sad to hear about their separation, but not surprised in terms of the timing.

Marital researchers Gottman and Levenson conducted research on couples and found two important periods in marriage when couples are the most vulnerable for divorce. The two periods are: 1) The seven year mark and 2) When the oldest child turns 14 years of age (thought to be related to a low in marital satisfaction related to life course). Heidi and Seal were at that seven-year point.

The reason given for the separation is that the couple has grown apart, a common reason cited in many troubled marriages. But here is the surprising part. This separation may have been predicted based on what we know about early marriages that lead to divorce.  The seven-year mark is where half of all divorces occur.

When a couple has a number of positive and negative interactions around conflict in the first seven years of marriage, it increases their chances of early divorce. This is in contrast to couples who have an absence of positive interactions during conflict. Those couples tend to divorce in later years even when negative interactions are present.

So two things to learn from these conclusions. Conflict doesn’t kill marriages, but the way a couple dialogues around that conflict can. If that dialogue is negative and filled with criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and the couple fails to repair the damage when conflict rises, couples are more susceptible to divorce.

So what can you do to not be a statistic of the seven-year itch?

1) Stay respectful to your spouse.

2) Repair damage to the emotional bond.

3) Work on conflicts in a way that doesn’t go negative.

4) Acknowledge issues and don’t sweep them under the carpet.

5) See a couple’s therapist and get help to correct negative patterns.

If half of all divorces occur at the seventh year of marriage, that usually means six years of struggling and not finding positive ways to work out problems. Don’t wait that long. Get to a therapist and get help.

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Dr. Linda Mintle is the author of I Married You, Not Your Family, a book that looks at the 10 most common myths of marriage and offers solutions and truth. Check out her website at www.drlindahelps.com. Become Dr. Linda Mintle's friend on Facebook and follow her on Twitter.