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Family Matters 04/21/16

Relationship Problems? Don't Go to Food!

Woman eating fast food

"My husband is so unreasonable! He doesn't listen. I am so mad!" Frustrated, Ann walks into the kitchen, opens the freezer, and reaches for the ice cream.

"My boss is unfair. He doesn't explain what he wants and then criticizes me when the work isn't what he wants. Frustrating!!!" Robert walks to the office coffee station, picks up a donut, and heads back to his desk feeling upset.

All kinds of emotions prompt us to open the freezer, reach for the donut, or grab a treat. Eating when stressed or when we need to relax or calm down is a bad habit. But, we do it. And we often do it in response to relationship conflicts.

The problem with stress eating is that we feel guilty later and tend to gain weight. Most importantly, it doesn't solve the relationship problem. So, stress eating is a habit most of us would like to break.

Eight Ways to Break the Stress Eating Habit

  1. Pay attention to the signs of stress. The signs (irritability, poor concentration, lack of sleep, etc.) are different from the ones you experience with real hunger. Eating in response is only a temporary fix. The food makes you feel good for the moment. In the long run, it doesn't do anything to fix the real issue - the relationship conflict.
  2. Make a list of ways to de-stress when you're not stressed. When stress hits, choose one of your de-stressors. Here are a few ideas: take a hot bath, listen to relaxing music, pray, engage in deep breathing, massage your shoulders or head, or read the Bible.
  3. Do not skip meals. Skipping meals makes it easier to binge or stress eat. Hunger and relationship problems can easily be pared! Therefore, eat regular meals so you're less likely to binge because of an emotional stressor.
  4. Practice self-care when stressed. Get enough sleep, exercise, and talk out your problems with a trusted friend. Do not turn to food. Turn to the Bible or to prayer. Make your requests known to God.
  5. Remove the source of stress when you can. Sometimes, the best strategy is to eliminate stress. If you are stressed because a friend makes insensitive remarks, reduce your time with that person. I'm not saying avoid people, but certainly there are some you can limit your time with and choose more positive interactions.
  6. Do not keep stress treats in your house. If food is available, in sight, and only a cupboard away, the temptation is to eat. Eliminate the tempting foods. Stock up on veggies so that you have a good option when you have the urge to munch.
  7. If you're really stressed and want to eat, eat a small amount, not the whole thing. Researcher Linda Bacon (yes, that is her name) found that people really only enjoy a few bites of food. After that, your taste buds lose their sensitivity to the chemicals in that treat. So, eat a few bites slowly and mindfully. Then, put the rest away or share it with someone else.
  8. Get help for the actual relationship issue. Rather than medicating yourself with food, see a counselor, mentor, pastor, or someone with whom you can talk out a better way to respond.

The goal is to stop reaching for food out of emotional need. This means you must press pause on stress eating and become more intentional in terms of solving your relationship problems. That's uncomfortable sometimes, but food is not the solution.

For more help with stress and compulsive eating, check out my book, Press Pause Before You Eat: Say Good-Bye to Mindless Eating and Hello to the Joys of Eating.

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