What Does It Take to Resist Pre-Marital Sex?

Robert is a typical church going-young adult who attends a Sunday School class for singles his age. Never has the topic of premarital sex been raised in that class, yet an informal survey shows that over half of the class admits to sexual activity outside of marriage.

A recent Gallup poll reported:

• 80 percent of young unmarried Christians have had sex outside of marriage.
• Two-thirds of unmarried Christians have been sexual active in the last year.
• 42 percent of the 18-29 year olds in the 80 percent group are currently in sexual relationships.

Yet, despite these statistics, 76 percent of Christians still believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. Apparently, there is a wide disconnect between what we believe and what we actually do. Why is this and how can live what we believe?

1) Talk about sex in church. Rather than pretending that pre-marital sex isn’t happening, we need conversations about how to resist temptation and deal with sexual brokenness. The pressures to conform, availability of pornography, and how we cope with living in a culture saturated with sex need honest discussion with shared strategies to stay the course.

2) When you engage with media, be intentional. Does what you see line up with a biblical worldview? The constant exposure to promiscuity can desensitize us to the truth of God’s word. Know the Word.

3) Go to church. Attending church one day a week (which is what most people do) hardly competes with the daily onslaught of sexual messages, but it does provide a weekly centering and reminder.

4) Continue to read your Bible in order to renew your mind to God’s ways versus the cultural narrative.

5) Pray with each other and put on the armor of God since it is a difficult struggle (Ephesians 6:10-18).

6) Share real stories of sexual promiscuity, e.g., sexually transmitted infections, the emotional fall out of sex outside of marriage, and the spiritual issues involved. Media focus on the physical act of sex, but people live with the emotional and spiritual fallout of sexually acting out.

7) Value marriage. If you are married, work through your own marital issues and stay faithful. Marriage is worth fighting for and needs to be valued. If single, wait to have sex until marriage. This is possible and actually rewarding.

8) Examine the cohabitation data. Cohabitation leads to an increased chance of divorce, the very thing couples fear.

9) Find friends who want to be accountable and will try to live what they believe. When you surround yourself with like-minded people, it is easier to encourage each other to resist temptation.

10) When it comes to sex, resisting temptation is best done by not putting oneself in a position of temptation. Identify the triggers that can leave you vulnerable and avoid those whenever possible.

Dr. Linda Mintle is the author of her new book, We Need to Talk (Baker Books). Go to her website to take the free conflict assessment quiz.