Walk Through a Wall of Fear

Recently, I was awakened before three in the morning and I couldn’t sleep (my body still thought it was in Greece where we led a “Steps of Paul” pilgrimage!) I thought, I need more sleep. But then I realized, even more I need the Lord.

This is an opportunity for me to meditate on his words to me. 

But as I lay down in my bed praying in the dark I was ambushed by anxious thoughts! So that I can be full time in the ministry of Soul Shepherding I’m giving up a paycheck that we’ve counted on for fifteen years. Doubts and criticisms started jumping out at me:

Have you really heard God to launch into this ministry? What makes you think that what you have to offer is so important? You’ve made a big mistake. Not many pastors will make use of Soul Shepherding. People won’t keep supporting your ministry. You’re going to fail. Give it up and turn back.

I realized that it was the Father of Lies and Accuser of Christ’s followers attacking me (John 8:44, Revelation 12:10) and so I kept reciting Psalm 23, the Lord’s Prayer, and other Scriptures, including a simple Breath Prayer of the heart that’s a frequent lifeline for me: “In Christ alone my soul finds rest… Selah” (from Psalm 62:1, 5).

I thank God that by his grace I wasn’t consumed with anxious fear, tossing and turning in distress. Yes, our future is uncertain, but I know that Christ is leading us. I believe I’ve heard God and he will provide for all the needs of Soul Shepherding. But if things don’t work out like I want or if in some way I seem to fail that is okay too: God loves me and I am obeying what I’ve understood him to ask me to do. However things turn out, I look to God to use the situation for our spiritual formation in Christ.

Then I remembered that Kristi had another bad dream the night before: We had to sell our house and move to a small condo on a loud street in the city of London – it was cold, rainy, and gloomy! Because of Soul Shepherding it was the only way to pay our bills and to put our kids through college.

God’s Words, My Life Line

I grabbed onto my lifeline: “In Christ alone my soul finds rest… Selah.” Thank you Lord that you have helped Kristi to take courage from you and to join me in taking this risk. She knows that there are many pastors’ wives and others in ministry who need her care and counsel.

Then I sensed the word of the Lord coming to me in a personal way. I went down to my prayer room to listen to God. I started by writing in my journal:

In the dark,
Alone and quiet,
Kneeling before your altar, my Lord,
Waiting for a word from you,
Waiting for sunrise,
Waiting.

In the dark,
Alone and quiet,
Kneeling before your altar, my Lord,
Listening before one candle,
Listening at the cross,
Listening.

I sensed the Lord saying to me:

There comes a time when a leader is alone in the dark. That time is now for you. No one can take this next step for you.

Ahead of you is a wall of fear. I am with you, but you can’t see me. I am the risen Christ and I walk through walls (John 20:19-23). Take courage. Take my hand and follow me through the wall and into the unknown. The hand I offer you is my words – from the Bible, of course, but also (in submission to the Bible) words like these that I speak to your heart.

Listen. Trust me. Take the next step.

Investing in Ministry Leaders

Strengthened by these words we are continuing to focus on providing face-to-face care for pastors, pastor’s wives, and ministry leaders dealing with things like loneliness, grief, anxiety, job insecurity, marital conflict, or family concerns. Pastors don’t have a lot of safe places to be vulnerable. It’s not often that they have a meeting or group in which they can just show up and be ministered to. The heartbeat of Soul Shepherding is to help ministry leaders in whatever way they need, even if they can’t afford to pay for it. So to help them continue to minister to the dozens, hundreds, even thousands of people who depend on them we provide counseling, spiritual mentoring, groups with other pastors, consultations, seminars, and retreats.

I hope that our story encourages you also. Maybe you are hurting or facing a challenge and need to trust that God is with you as you take a step of faith in the dark? May you also hold onto the hand of Christ and follow him step-by-step so that you can be a blessing to others.

Kristi and I couldn’t “walk by faith and not by sight” into an unknown future if it weren’t for the ministry partners who help us to minister to over thirty pastors and leaders each month. We thank God for this “partnership in the gospel.”

You can help too! Learn about our Prayer Team

More Soul Shepherding Resources

“Fear Not 365 Days a Year” will help you to walk through a wall of fear.

“Breath Prayers from the Bible” features a number of powerful prayers to give you God’s peace.

You don’t need to fear because Jesus invites you into his peace. You Can Live in Jesus’ Easy Yoke is my new book full of inspiring stories and practical examples to help you overcome fear and anxiety with Jesus in the Father’s love.

Sign up for our new Soul Shepherding Blog, which features a short Scripture meditation and prayer in 1-2 e-mails per week.

Bill Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org

William Gaultiere, Ph.D. is a Psychologist specializing in “Christian Soul Care” since 1986.  Bill and his wife Kristi (a Marriage and Family Therapist) have a donor-supported ministry to pastors and leaders called Soul Shepherding.  In counseling, spiritual mentoring, seminars, and retreats Bill and Kristi help people to connect deeply with Christ in ways that facilitate soul transformation. At Bill and Kristi’s webstie, SoulShepherding.org, you will find articles, prayers, and pictures to nourish your soul in God. 

William Gaultiere, Ph.D. ~ Soul Shepherding, 4000 Barranca Pkwy, Suite 250, Irvine, CA 92604 ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org/ ~ 949.262.3699 ~ or go to the Contact page on the Soul Shepherding website.

William Gaultiere, Ph.D. & Kristi Gaultiere, Psy.D. ~ http://www.soulshepherding.org