This Is My Story

Cancer has come to our home. It’s a guest that has moved in uninvited and has changed everything in our lives. Endless scans and tests. Familiarity with doctor’s offices. An assigned oncologist. An unknown future.

During a recent worship service, our new reality hung heavy like a plume of smoke. I saw the words flash across the screen that reminded me to trust in the Lord and count my blessings. I didn’t want to trust in the Lord and I definitely didn’t want to count my blessings. I just wanted to go home, put on my pajamas, and hide from this terrible nightmare. I wanted to be sad and mourn what my life was supposed to look like. But instead, I was at a church conference and couldn’t stop the tears.

But then these words showed up on the screen and the old familiar tune filled my ears, “This is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long.”

The tears got heavier and I began to pray angrily under my breath, “God, I don’t want this story for my husband and I don’t want this to be the song over our lives. I sure don’t feel like praising you right now, either. I want a new story, God. I want a new song.”

Once I finally uttered those pent up words, the heaving cries began. Slowly I lifted my head and through blurry eyes read the words again. I realized, in that moment, whether I liked it or not, this IS our story and this IS our song. And I had a choice. I could carry on in sadness, too distracted by my weighty emotions to see past the tears, or I could embrace this new reality with the calm assurance that none of this surprised God and he is ultimately good. Then I could make the choice to praise God for all of the blessings in our life. Even this journey through cancer.

So, with much hesitation and fear, I began singing the words to the song. Slowly, I let go and chose to believe God is good, that He will always be good, no matter what. I chose to believe God will never let us down, even in the face of cancer and all of the unknowns that come with that ugly word. I chose to plant the reality of His goodness deep in my soul even though I didn’t have all of the answers. In that moment, I chose victory and decided to let God get the glory in this hard season.

“For the Word of the Lord is right, and all his work is trustworthy.” Psalm 33:4 (CSB)

“How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you. In the presence of everyone you have acted for those who take refuge in you.” Psalm 31:19 (CSB)

Cancer, our uninvited guest, has come to our home and changed everything in our lives. But this IS our story. This IS our song. And even when it’s hard. Even when he’s sick. Even when we’re weary, lose hope, and don’t know what is next. Even when we are sad and can’t stop the tears, we will trust our Savior. In the morning, in the night, and when it’s the hardest words to form on our lips — we will praise Him. If He has allowed cancer to be our story and our song, then He will also give us the strength to keep praising Him all the day long.

Copyright © 2020 Christy Bass Adams, used with permission.