Mommy and the Joyful Three 03/22/11
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my daughter witnessing some tension between me and my husband. This had me thinking about how what we do as a couple can influence our children not only now, but in the future.
My children will make comments such as “You’re dating Daddy.” My three year old even told me that she is “pretty sure that Daddy is my boyfriend.” It brings me great joy that my children see that my husband and I love each other.
However, I also have heard them ask, “Are you mad at Daddy?” That breaks my heart. I want them to see their father and me as I saw my own parent’s, immovable in our relationship.
When a child feels strain and uneasiness between the two people that they are supposed to trust the most, it can make them feel insecure. Some parents say they consider their marriage and their parenting as separate, when in reality they go hand in hand. Each is balanced by the other.
God does not see a family as individual members, but as a whole. With that in mind, we must remember how much our actions, words, and faith affects our families. If you argue, insult, or even just ignore your spouse, your children will notice. It’ll affect not only how they feel now, but how they view their own relationships in the future.
It can be easy to lose track of your relationship with your spouse when you have children. God wants us to be invested in our marriages. First came Adam and Eve, and then came their offspring. God wants parents to make sure the foundation is strong so that your family is secure.
This has been my main focus lately when it comes to my marriage, focusing on us as much as I focus on our children. Here are a few things we have instituted in our home to help make this happen:
Have a Bible study together
Learning about God as a couple is not only one of the best ways to see the promises and guidance that are commonplace in the Bible, but it also will build up your marriage as you seek Him together. Take advantage of the many online Bible resources or visit your local Christian bookstore to find a helpful guide. Putting God first will bring more depth and love to your relationship.
Find quiet moments
It can seem impossible to find moments alone with your spouse when you have children. Date nights are wonderful, but not always an option. Technology also can distract us from each other. After the kids go to sleep, shut off the computer and telephones and enjoy a movie together, eat a late dinner by candle light, or just sit and talk.
Hold hands
This might seem pretty simple and it is, but holding hands really can strengthen your marriage. Oftentimes, as parents, we stop holding our spouse’s hand, possibly because we holding our children’s or our hands are just too full. Still, hold your spouses hand while you are out, if you can work it out. This will reinforce to your children that you are happy together. It also will give you a sense of unity that we can miss when we don’t make time for the small things.
Celebrate your relationship
Your children will love to hear about how you met, how he proposed, and what your wedding was like. Talking about your relationship pre-children can help you even remember the reasons you married each other – something else that is easy to lose sight of. Children love to hear stories about their parents before they were born. Celebrate those moments by remembering them and sharing them with your kids.
Pray together
Praying as a family is the best advice I can give to anyone, but praying together as a couple is just as important. Even if you pray together as an entire family make time in your marriage to pray with your spouse. Share your fears and praise the Lord together. Not only will it relieve some of the stress from you as a couple, but it will again give that feeling of unity. It will bring peace knowing that whatever you are facing you have a person just as devoted to your family as you.
There are so many things you can do as a couple to strengthen your relationship. Complimenting each other, surprising each other, just finding the time to focus on each other will show your children how important your marriage is not only as parents, but as a couple.
What are some of your favorite ways to keep your marriage strong and show your children that you value it?
What Your Marriage Shows Your Children
A few weeks ago, I wrote about my daughter witnessing some tension between me and my husband. This had me thinking about how what we do as a couple can influence our children not only now, but in the future.
My children will make comments such as “You’re dating Daddy.” My three year old even told me that she is “pretty sure that Daddy is my boyfriend.” It brings me great joy that my children see that my husband and I love each other.
However, I also have heard them ask, “Are you mad at Daddy?” That breaks my heart. I want them to see their father and me as I saw my own parent’s, immovable in our relationship.
When a child feels strain and uneasiness between the two people that they are supposed to trust the most, it can make them feel insecure. Some parents say they consider their marriage and their parenting as separate, when in reality they go hand in hand. Each is balanced by the other.
God does not see a family as individual members, but as a whole. With that in mind, we must remember how much our actions, words, and faith affects our families. If you argue, insult, or even just ignore your spouse, your children will notice. It’ll affect not only how they feel now, but how they view their own relationships in the future.
It can be easy to lose track of your relationship with your spouse when you have children. God wants us to be invested in our marriages. First came Adam and Eve, and then came their offspring. God wants parents to make sure the foundation is strong so that your family is secure.
This has been my main focus lately when it comes to my marriage, focusing on us as much as I focus on our children. Here are a few things we have instituted in our home to help make this happen:
Have a Bible study together
Learning about God as a couple is not only one of the best ways to see the promises and guidance that are commonplace in the Bible, but it also will build up your marriage as you seek Him together. Take advantage of the many online Bible resources or visit your local Christian bookstore to find a helpful guide. Putting God first will bring more depth and love to your relationship.
Find quiet moments
It can seem impossible to find moments alone with your spouse when you have children. Date nights are wonderful, but not always an option. Technology also can distract us from each other. After the kids go to sleep, shut off the computer and telephones and enjoy a movie together, eat a late dinner by candle light, or just sit and talk.
Hold hands
This might seem pretty simple and it is, but holding hands really can strengthen your marriage. Oftentimes, as parents, we stop holding our spouse’s hand, possibly because we holding our children’s or our hands are just too full. Still, hold your spouses hand while you are out, if you can work it out. This will reinforce to your children that you are happy together. It also will give you a sense of unity that we can miss when we don’t make time for the small things.
Celebrate your relationship
Your children will love to hear about how you met, how he proposed, and what your wedding was like. Talking about your relationship pre-children can help you even remember the reasons you married each other – something else that is easy to lose sight of. Children love to hear stories about their parents before they were born. Celebrate those moments by remembering them and sharing them with your kids.
Pray together
Praying as a family is the best advice I can give to anyone, but praying together as a couple is just as important. Even if you pray together as an entire family make time in your marriage to pray with your spouse. Share your fears and praise the Lord together. Not only will it relieve some of the stress from you as a couple, but it will again give that feeling of unity. It will bring peace knowing that whatever you are facing you have a person just as devoted to your family as you.
There are so many things you can do as a couple to strengthen your relationship. Complimenting each other, surprising each other, just finding the time to focus on each other will show your children how important your marriage is not only as parents, but as a couple.
What are some of your favorite ways to keep your marriage strong and show your children that you value it?
About This Blogger
Erin James is a freelance writer, mother of three, and author of CBN.com's Mommy blog.