Leaning on God After a Loss

We suffered our first pregnancy loss this past week. It was a very hard realization for us to cope with. In the midst of such a devastating loss, it is hard to understand why these things happen.

Pregnancy usually is an exciting time for the parents to be. However, as many parents know, it is not without problems and hardships.

Personally, I know many women who have faced difficult losses or even difficultly in trying to conceive. Now, I join them, as my husband and I deal with our own miscarriage.

Complications in pregnancy are confusing and taxing. They can leave you feeling helpless and bewildered. Oftentimes, we ask, "why me?"

Though we live with hope in our Redeemer, Jesus Christ, the Bible does not say we will be without grief in our lives. In fact, it clearly states that life consists of seasons.

A time to cry, and a time to laugh; a time to grieve, and a time to dance. (Ecclesiastes 3:4, NLT)

It’s important to realize that God does not want us to suffer. He may allow trials in our lives, sometimes for reasons we do not understand, but He does not create our pain. It’s also important to remember what Romans 8 says.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28, NLT)

Everyone grieves differently, but as believers our faith tells us that God has a plan. Even if we don’t like what we perceive the plan to be, He will get us through it.

The battle for control over our lives is sometimes the hardest obstacle to overcome in grief. Letting go of our own desires to allow God to work in us can be a huge relief to our souls. This is because in a time of grief or loss it is so vital to lean on the Lord for some understanding and strength. Nothing else can pull you from your despair as He will.

In our recent loss, I witnessed God’s mercy and love in so many ways. It is beautiful to feel His arms around you when you feel lost, scared, or alone. I was and am humbled by His unwavering love.

Healthy Reactions to Sudden Loss

Turn to your friends and family 

Find support in others around you, even an online prayer group or community is a good outlet if you aren’t ready for face-to-face interaction yet. God will put people in your life who can offer wisdom, comfort, and love. Also, talking to others who may have faced something similar is an excellent way to help you cope with your troubled heart.

Hold onto hope

Don’t lose hope. A loss such as this can make you feel empty and helpless. Remember that God can move mountains and His love and favor are upon you, even during your time of grief.

Stay connected with your spouse

Unfortunately, when a couple faces a loss, it can be easy to turn away from each other. The hurt and uncertainty can leave you both on edge and it can feel like you are not being understood by anyone. Regardless of how you feel in the moment, do not turn from them. Hold onto them as the gift God gave you to help you with your journey. Remember to keep each other’s feelings in mind and pray together for peace.

Focus on your blessings

A loss can become an all-consuming pain. Remind yourself of the blessings around you, even the smallest of gifts God gives deserve appreciation. If necessary, write some of them down; I did this and it was so helpful to look at a list of the good in my life.

Honor the life of your little one

Make a special time to remember the life lost. Write a letter, pray with others, and have some quiet time to memorialize the loss. This can be a helpful part of grieving.

Praise God

It may not make sense to praise God when you are in trouble, but truly this is the best time to praise Him. Get lost in worship and prayer to Him. It will help you regain focus and composure. Praise and worship are crucial in helping your heart and mind heal.

It’s devastating when difficult circumstances like this happen, but our hope is not lost. We can not cope with our grief on our own. We must turn to the Lord and lean on His amazing mercy and love. The life lost is not in vain. And although the time you had together was short, it is not meaningless. God is the maker of all things; His love and compassion endures forever. Hold onto His promises and go to Him for strength during your hardships.

Our family thanks you for all of your prayers and love during this time.